Painful Past
by silverstarlite93
Summary: A painful past may effect true love. With regret, and hurt will Edward finally be able to open himself up to Bella and will Bella be able to handle the truth? A story about love, pain, and hurt. The characters put themselves through hard times.
1. Chapter 1

Painful Past

Summary: Edwards a mysterious guy with a past, will that stop the relationship with Bella? Will their relationship be able to survive the hurt, the pain and regret?

Authors Note: New at this so don't be too harsh =) plus my beta is in Canada ...x 33.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Song belongs to Linkin Park: Leave Out All the Rest

EPOV

November 12th… I sat at home staring at the wall where the newspaper articles hung. Reminding me of all the pain I had caused. It has been exactly 6 years since the event occurred and I was still devastated. Every November 12th I sat at home questioning myself and wondering what happened if the accident hadn't happened. Would I be alone now? Would I have all this guilt and pain? Would the world be a better place without me…?

*flash back*

The rain smashed against the window shield as the police officer took me into custody at the Forks Police Station. Thunder cracked and you could see the flashes of lightning miles away. The sky lit up and the night sky flashed in my eyes. The flash was bright enough to show me the glint of metal confining my wrists together and the scars still healing on my writhed body. The police station had picked me up straight from the hospital, as soon as I had the "Okay" to leave. I was still healing but I was healthy enough to leave. I knew that I wouldn't get much rest at the police station, but I'd have to do my duty I deserved it for all I had done to her and her son.

*Present time*

The sun was coming up it was 6am. I had been sitting here for over 5 hrs contemplating if I should contact any forms of society today because everyone I knew, knew it was the anniversary of the dreadful accident that occurred. I decided it was time to go to the cemetery and pay my respects even though it hurt so much seeing the little boy who shouldn't have died so young. The sun had just risen while my car backed out the driveway of my town house. You'd think I was very close with my neighbors since I had a "town house" but I usually kept to myself. I kept to myself with everyone. I had no girlfriend, few friends that actually stood by me even through the accident (I had lost most of them after the accident) and my family and I were not that close except for my little sister Alice who pried her way into my life, even when I had put my emotional wall up.

I had arrived to the grave cemetery and I stared at the headstones. "wonderful wife, friend and mother" "He will be greatly missed" "R.I.P." . All these headstones represented all who had died and that they were missed. I snarled to myself, why did _he_ have to die? I walked up to Seth's headstone and all the painful memories began to flood my mind…

*flash back*

The blinding white lights were making my head pound and it was distracting me. BOOM and I was unconscious.

*present time*

The memories were too painful; they hurt even thinking about them on the surface. I regretted each moment of the time I had become so stupid and immature. I didn't deserve to live.

"Seth, it's me Edward… I know that I shouldn't even have the right to talk to you, but as you remember I come here everyday on this fateful anniversary. I'm sorry about what happened Seth, I know I didn't know you that well but I know that you didn't deserve to die. All the newspapers and media coverage on you explained that to me all too well. "The little league baseball star, the advanced academic student, the one that was loved by everyone; friends and family included". I'm sorry your life was taken and not mine. I was a stupid kid back then, and I was worthless to everyone. They all wouldn't have cared if I had died, you are more important then I am. No one loves me... everyone loved you, they still love you and they hate me more now more then ever. I hope your okay up there in heaven, I know they all say "you're in a better place up there", but you were too young to die… What's heaven without all the people you love? I'll go to hell one day and then I'll really get what I deserved. I hope you can accept my apology even though I know I cannot ever repay you. Good luck and I will see you next year… thoughts of you and the accident haunt me everyday of my life…"

I walked out of the cemetery staring back at the daisies that were brought to him by his mother, I would have brought flowers but I didn't want anyone to know that I came here every year, because I didn't have the right to talk to Seth after what I had done. Climbing into my silver Volvo, I headed to Alice's apartment. The streets were filled with people since it was a Saturday and I stared ahead not wanting to make eye contact. I had vowed to myself that I wouldn't come into any human contact except for Alice. She always distracted me and kept me thinking of other things then what had happened when needed to. She was my only sister that supported me throughout everything, I loved her.

"Alice, open up its Edward!!" I screamed through the door hoping she'd hear me. The door creaked open and a pair of brown eyes stared at me. "Your not Alice…" "yes I know I'm not Alice, I'm Bella, if your looking for Alice she's the next door down…" she said annoyed. "Oh I'm so sorry" I walked past her and knocked on Alice's door ducking in embarrassed that I was so out of it that I had forgot my own sisters apartment room.

"Hey Edward, what's up?? You doing okay?" tension was heard in her voice.

"I'm doing better, I just came here. I need a distraction"

"Well why don't we go hang out with Jazz, Rose, and Em? She suggested, her eyes pleading with mine.

"I don't feel like hanging out today… sorry Alice but you can go. I think I'm going to go to the park for awhile…"

Alice gave me a look filled with pity but I was too upset to argue with her today. I stepped out of her apartment and headed down the road where the park was. The big oak tree, the tree that I sat by whenever I needed support. I sat there, listening to my Ipod and stared ahead in a daze.

I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared  
After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here  
So if you're asking me  
I want you to know  
When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed  
And don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest  
Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I made  
I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you  
So if you're asking me  
I want you to know  
When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed  
Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory  
Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest  
Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well  
Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are


	2. Chapter 2

Painful Past

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer

BPOV

The rain pounded on my window. It was pitch black outside and five in the morning, but I was awake because the stupid rain woke me up… The birds weren't even chirping yet. It was way too early to be up, I had nothing to do… It was actually the date my ex boyfriend's little boy was killed. So I trudged out of my apartment to get down to the cemetery since I was already awake. As I began to drive the rain smashed against my window shield and I traveled my way back down memory lane…

*Flash Back

"BELLA come back to me, please" Jacob was shouting my name as I ran as fast as I could. I had just seen Lauren and him making out on my sofa, in my house. I had just given the key to Jacob last night, and here he was with some other girl. I heard Lauren screaming after Jacob, "JACOB get back over here, let her leave you have to take care of me and the baby!!" I stopped in place and spun around.

"What baby Jacob? How long have you been cheating on me?!?" I screamed at Jacob until my throat became dry and sore. "I'm sorry Bella, I love you… Please come back to me!!" Jacob pleaded with me until I became sick and tired of him and stomped over to my car by myself.

*Present Time*

I pulled into the driveway of the cemetery and a silver Volvo was parked next to mine. I walked out and suddenly saw a bronzed hair man walking away from Seth's grave. He walked past looking dazed. I walked past him without a word. He went into his car and drove off. I plodded my way towards Seth's grave and stood there staring at the headstone that read, "To my loving son, you will always be in my heart".

I knew Jacob had loved Seth, because Lauren and him had only stayed together for him. After he had died they immediately divorced because the psychological difficulties were too great for both of them. Not only were they heartbroken for their son but they were also torn apart by arguments and difficulties concerning their relationship. When Seth was five years old they had arguments that grew too much for him and he went to Bella for comfort. Bella was his "auntie," and she supported him through rough times.

I stood over his grave and began to speak to my little "nephew" whom I loved very much.

"Hey Seth, It's auntie Bella, I came here to visit you. I miss you it has been five years now… Mommy and daddy are not together anymore as you know but I know that you think it'd be better that way. Everyday they think about you, as do I. I wish that you were here with me, I miss you everyday of my life and I hope to see you in heaven where you belong".

I smiled at the grave stone as a single tear slipped through my eyes. I knew he was okay up there with god. I walked away from the cemetery and stepped into my car getting ready to head towards my apartment. The streets were crowded it was now 7am and people were getting ready to get to work. I had taken the day off today because I needed a break from those high school students. They took a huge toll on my health especially because of the swine flu. I had to be in tip top shape and have my health at its best. I needed rest and healthy diet to maintain my good immune system; therefore I took a day off from time to time to make sure I stayed healthy. My bed was calling me, I had woken up too early because of the dumb rain, and now that the storm had pasted I was ready to climb back into bed and get some rest before I had to get out in the New York City life again. I lived on the upper east side of Manhattan, and I traveled to school every week day to meet with my classes. I was a chemistry teacher, I loved my job but at times the students could be quiet exasperating.

I walked to my apartment and opened up 5D my apartment and climbed straight into my bed. My apartment wasn't that big; 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, 2 bathrooms, and a living room area. As I finally fell into a deep sleep I was awoken by a banging and ringing of my doorbell. I tried to go back to sleep but the banging would not stop. I walked out of bed a total mess; hair sticking out of random places and I was wearing sweats and opened the door. A god like man stood in front of me and I stared straight into his bright green eyes. They were captivating, he then spoke and his voice was like velvet. "You're not Alice…" he said staring into my eyes. "Yes I know I'm not Alice, I'm Bella, if you're looking for Alice she's the next door down…" I said still dazed yet annoyed he had woken me up to look for a neighbor of mine. "Oh I'm so sorry" he looked thoughtfully at me yet he still seemed like he was in another world. I shut my door and went back to sleep dreaming of those green eyes. I had seen them before and his strangely odd hair color, but I couldn't place where I had seen him.

My phone had awoken me at 3pm. I knew it was time to get up because Alice had called to tell me that she was going to drag me out for some "club time" as she put it. I didn't normally go out with her to the clubs but there was nothing else to do. It was a Friday night and I had no dates or plans. I climbed into the shower getting ready for "Barbie Bella time" and I let the hot water run over me soothing me instantly. The smell of my strawberry shampoo surrounded me and I felt serene. Until, Alice had barged in my door and started screaming my name. "Bella hurry up we don't have that much time" I heard her twinkling voice from outside my door. "Alice, I didn't give you the key so that you can come in here to ruin my perfectly good relaxing time, give me 5 min." I pleaded with her, already knowing she'd throw a bucket of ice water at me in the shower. "Bella get your butt out of there before I come in there with ice water!!" I laughed knowing how predictable she was at times like these. I climbed out of the shower and put on my pink fuzzy robe. Apparently, it was the robe I was to wear whenever Alice was doing her "Bella Barbie time". I sat down at the vanity mirror and put in my Ipod while Alice poked me with all the weird cosmetic supplies.

Hello you long-shots, you dark horse runners,  
Hair brush singers, dash-board drummers,  
Hello you wild magnolias, just waiting to bloom.  
There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you,  
Thank God even crazy dreams come true.  
I've stood at the bottom of some walls I thought i couldn't climb.  
I felt like Cinderella at the ball, just running out of time.  
So I know how it feels to be afraid, and think that it's all gonna slip away  
Hold on, Hold on.  
Here's to you free souls, you fire-fly chasers.  
Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players.  
Here's to you fearless dancers, shaken' walls in your bedrooms  
There's alot of wonder left inside of me and you,  
Thank God even crazy dreams come true  
Never let a bad day be enough, to go and talk you into giving up.  
Sometimes everybody feels like you, oh, feels like you, just like you, yeah.  
I've met some go-getters, some difference makers.  
Small town heros, and big chance takers.  
I've met some young hearts with something to prove.  
Oh yeah.  
Here's to you long-shots, you dark horse runners  
Hair brush singers, dash-board drummers  
Here's to you wild magnolias, just waiting to bloom.  
There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you.  
Thank God even crazy dreams come true.  
Thank God even crazy dreams come true, yeah.

I turned up my iPod and got into my club mode with the fast pace and happy music.

As I settled into my dark blue night club dress, I heard Alice talking with someone on the phone, persuading them to come out with us tonight. I sighed and new she was setting me up with yet another blind date. Her and Jasper were going strong for about 1 year now and Emmett her brother and Rosalie his fiancé were also coming, which left me as the fifth wheel. Alice skipped over to me and I gave her my what's going on you crazy pixie look. Alice smiled at me and her twinkling voice sung "I have a date for you." She gave me that sly smile and walked away before I could even protest. Tonight was going to be a interesting night for sure. As I walked out into the living room Alice threw a pair of heels at me, almost smacking me in the head. I carefully strapped them in knowing not to protest or else I'd have to wear 4 inch heels instead of 2 inches. I looked myself down and up at the mirror. I didn't look that bad. I was a plain and simple girl with brown hair and eyes. There was nothing special to my look. I was not overweight but I was not skinny either. But Alice had used little make up making my face look naturally beautiful and the blue color of the dress made my skin have a glowed effect. I look nice and I was proud that I had a friend like Alice to help me.

I had known her since my middle school days in my New Jersey education. She was my best friend then and she was my best friend now. She didn't talk much about her brother Edward, although she talked a lot about her goofy brother Emmett. We spent days at a time playing with each other when we were young. As we grew up we both went to Hunter college in New York City, and we both worked at the high school together. I was glad I had found a friend like her who always supported me through rough times.

*Flash Back*

I was hysterically crying in my car as I drove away from my house, the house I had found Lauren and Jacob practically "doing it" in. I called Alice and tried to find the words to tell her I needed help. "A..lice it's me Bella…" I practically heaved out. Alice had heard one word come out of my mouth and she immediately told me "Bella come over to my apartment we can talk there, I'm here for you honey, don't worry whatever is wrong, you will be okay. I trusted Alice with all my heart and I drove myself to her apartment" As soon as I dragged myself up the stairs she immediately opened her door and put her arm around me and let me cry into her arms."

*Present Time*

I loved Alice she was always there for me and I could always count on her. Now that we were getting ready to leave the house, she was in full club mode and I was dragged behind her as she skipped her way to Jasper pecking him on the cheek. This was going to be a very long night.

Jasper drove his car into another apartment complex and we waited for someone to come out. I was guessing it would be my blind date so I sighed at sat still. It was him. I saw the bronze hair fly out the door and I saw a flash of his magnificent green eyes. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.


End file.
